Back in the ancient times, to the roots of human history when society as we conceive it today has reached its golden age, hierarchies were something deeply considered and the actual roots of all tribes and social structures.
If you think about how the Greeks would have a very structured system on how the adult men would take care of the adolescents, and how they were introduced to the adult life (from hunting, to fighting, to sex, to work, to philosophy, etc..), you will have quite a clear idea of what I’m talking about. In those times, a boy would be introduced to the higher adult society by a Man, and be educated and initiated by him. That boy would then understand and experiment on his own skin a lot of what he would have been facing in his adult life; again, from fighting to hunting, from helping out the elder in his work, from being of service in the home of a Landlord, and to having sex.
We Leathermen are traditionalists and we have a thing for rituals, traditions and protocols. Doesn’t matter how much we evolved from those ancient times, and actually it doesn’t really matter if we had a military education or not (it helps, a lot, but it’s not mandatory). We still work and live by the feeling of a sense of structure and hierarchy between us.
Of course this is only true to some degree, and this is why still today you can hear about “Old Guard Leatherman” definition. Old Guard is something that doesn’t belong to our days by definition, but some of us decide to live by the Codes and Protocols of those ages and that environment. It is both for a matter of worshipping and honoring our roots, but also a way to still live by those rules and Codes, even if each day we seem to become more and more outnumbered by those who live Leather as a mere fetish or sexuality; I don’t want to be the one pointing fingers and saying that being a “part time” Leatherman is less honorable than being an Old Guard one. Not my place to judge, and also everyone’s sexuality and psychology is unique and good and has the right to be. Yet, we are different.
By the book
By the book, according to Old Guard Protocol, it does not really matter wether you address yourself as a Dominant or a submissive out of the box. You don’t get to entitle yourself as a Master just because you like the idea of it or because you feel entitled of being one. It just doesn’t work that way. Being a Master means much more than just shouting orders, being obeyed and being Dominant. It involves a long path or learning, and I’m not just talking about a matter of learning at a bondage masterclass or on a whip cracking workshop. You will have to learn, on your skin, what it means to belong. You will have to learn what it means to suffer, to trust, to beg for Ownership inside of you, to feel the joy and the calmness that having a Master means. You will have to learn what it means to put people what you will put them through. You will have to learn to Dominate yourself before being able to Dominate others, in a fashion that you’ll always not be harmful or a danger to those who put their lives in your hands.
So, regardless of what you think you are, you don’t just get to walk in in Leather Community (again, the way we live it and conceive it) with the arrogance of thinking you’ll be welcomed and trusted and respected because of your beautiful gear, how much you spent on it, or on your looks and thoughts. You will have to earn the respect.
Ideally, you will get to be taken under the Mentoring and guiding figure of an Older Leatherman that decides to meet you, know you, test you, and eventually train you.
Of course, especially nowadays, this is a very rare dynamic. Those of us who can say to have been in this kind of right path and have known the love and care of a Mentor, and that have slowly learned what it means to be part of this Community, are the few lucky ones.
I have not been one of these people, and I thought I would never have been.
Until February 2017.
About a boy
I started my journey in BDSM and Leather life when I was 17. I always felt that this kind of path was needed, as I always have been a very Dominant boy also as a child. It is true though that I strongly missed a father figure, and as written in other articles such as The Rise of the Wolf, I anyway missed a kind of a guide in understanding what I had inside and what to do with it. So my first experience as a sub was a kind of a disaster. The Man was attractive, I was young and couldn’t possibly understand that what I was searching for required a bit more than just a lot of gear and some physical goodies. So I left that experience aside, and went back to my more comfortable position of Dom-Top only sexlife.
After a couple of years, when I just turned 19, I got to meet the man who currently is my husband, and my very first Master. Although also in this case the Master/slave relationship did not work (as I am no slave, first of all), we love each other deeply and beyond our roles and expectations, so it all turned out really well. Going back to the topic:
I was searching in him that guiding figure in Leather History and Culture, in BDSM Protocols and Etiquettes, and a man to belong to that would empower my qualities as a boy and teach me in the process to become a Master myself one day. Him and I are though very different people and very different kind of Leathermen, so that didn’t workout and I couldn’t feel submissive at all, it was a continue struggle to try to please him to honor my path, and a violent insurgent rebellion against the ways and the motifs that made me regret each time the idea to sub. Finally, at the age of 23, I completely abandoned bottoming and searching for a Mentor. It happened very rarely from time to time that I showed respect to some Doms and Master, but it was each time worst, as each time I let myself to try and submit to Older Leathermen that wanted to use me, I felt angry and humiliated and ashamed over having showed respect and submission to such empty, void and superficial people that were merely playing a role.
And they were also playing it badly.
So I decided that I had enough experience and that eventually the Old Guard I had been reading about and all that I envisioned for my future was something that slowly died after the 90’s, and that I should suck it up and just cope with the fact that The Community is now shredded in tiny little groups around the world, and that it would have been impossibile, for me, to get in touch with the right peers, in that moment of my life, with the obligations I had and such. So I decided to let it go, and just “auto graduate” and to be the Master I knew I would anyways have been in a future.
Yes, it was wrong, from a Protocol point of view, from a Ethical point of view, and from an educational point of view. It was bad for me, for my growth, for my own soul and for the stress that being a real Master involves, stress of which maybe I was not fully ready. I don’t want to say though at the same time that it was bad, because I got to Own great boys and slaves, some of which are still with me. The adventures I lived, the honest and just real and true love and protection and teaching that I gave to my boys is nothing I regret, and I’m proud of it.
So I built my own Leather Family together with my husband, and over the time I came to Own on a stable LTR basis two boys, and be co owner of another one. We started a journey that is still ongoing.
Then it finally happened, when I completely stopped believing in it, and when I actually stopped caring about it.
That is when DAD came my way and chose me.
Building in reverse
The conversations with SIR started in a friendly and brotherly way. HE was addressed as Big Brother, I was addressed as little brother. After all, HE was 48 and I was 27, it was about respecting the hierarchy. I was requested after some chatting to go an visit HIM to have some brotherly fun on HIS slaves, and I was very excited by the idea. Then HE started to exercise some pressure and a growing Domination over me, always staying between the boundaries and dynamics of normal Protocol. That has been what weakened my knees; it was the first time I was talking to a Man that was slowly getting my full Respects, that not only understood but spoke the same language, and had similar goals and experiences.
On HIS encouragement, I started to deconstruct all that I have built by myself till that point. I slowly managed to lay down all defenses and prejudice that I had to lay over to be able to stand on my feet and be the Man I wanted to be. I arrived to trust HIM fully, as in HIM I didn’t see the mere will to Dominate me and obtain the extra hard prize of having my genuine submission. No. HE wanted to help me in having what I wanted, HE wanted to teach me what HE knew, and wanted to work with me, not on me.
Now, this is not the right post to share much more of O/our story, as it is not about telling you how it happened, but to let you know what happened and what it means, in O/our scenario.
So, to some it is inexplicable or difficult to believe that a Dom needs to be Owned, or to be son of a Father. To the most, the idea that the golden aura that Doms have in their fantasies is somewhat corrupted by the lurking idea of humanity, is devastating. Yes, humanity.
As of today, barely 1% of the human beings I know are truly only top or only bottom, with a different balance over the two roles. As a matter of facts, it’s possible that one is strictly bottom, but it’s almost impossible that one is really only top. As my DAD says, we’ve been all on the floor licking some Boots, and we all had a dick up our asses and mouths at some point in our life; and if we didn’t, too bad. It means we didn’t try. And you cannot say your life is complete if you exclude from your experience things before even trying them. So, of course each one of us has a preferred role. Of course each one of us is more Dominant or more submissive. But these tendencies can float in each individual, swinging from one side to the other of the pendulum, depending on the partner involved. I have always said that I am a Big Bad Wolf. But I never meant to mean that I want to be the biggest one in the forest.
As a matter of fact, I have been for years. Now I have someone on top of me. Does it mean I have magically become something else? No. I am simply complete, happy, fulfilled and, finally, smiling. My experiences towards my peers in BDSM have not change that much. I have found my own Father, my own Mentor, and possibly the Owner of WOLF. What has really changed with me becoming SIR’s Alphaboy?
- I have officially stepped down publicly from title “Master” to “Dom”
- I am not taking new subs or bois for Ownership
- There is now somebody I happily obey to and that I let teach me
- I still maintain my role with my subs and other subs that are not Owned by me
- I still am a Dominant in this community and love and appreciate all the submission and Respect I recieve
- I am stronger, Prouder and braver than I was before
Inside of HIS slave pack, I have the luck, Honor and Duty to be at the top of the foodchain. Which means that there is SIR above all always, there is me, HIS son and boy, and then there are the subs and slaves. We all obey and follow HIM, but I have special rights indeed. I am responsible of handling, counseling and helping the other subs in their role, I can handle and use the subs both for mine and SIR’s enjoyment and amusement when HE gives permission, and I get special privileges.
It’s not easy talking about privileges without feeling like bribing, which I really don’t want to. Though the concept of this post is to instruct about a lifestyle that might be different from the one of the reader, or wanted by the reader itself, so I’m trying to depict the more obvious things that can be seen from the outside. But of course there is much more involved, and not a mere balance of privileges and duties that I have. As usual, the WHY stands before the WHAT.
So let’s start from the whys.
BDSM itself and these kind of relationships are not meant to brutally rewire or rewrite one’s personality over the mere pleasure of conquer over a man. There is unfortunately plenty of people thinking or behaving that way, but that is not the right path, and can bring to temporary or permanent damage to the subject itself, and let’s say it clear: there is no real reason to do so, if not a sick and narcissistic way to express some kind of internal discomfort.
BDSM and these kind of relationships have the drive of empowering and developing one’s potential; it has a therapeutic power and can indeed change a person, but the main goal should get that subject closer to its true self, not to bring it away from it.
So, because of this, my SIR is not trying to change me into something that I’m not. HE has no interest in making of me a sub, not more that I already have a submissive part within me. HE wants to push out that side of me in the right context and with the right people. My SIR is not trying to put under HIS Boots my Dominant side; HE is simply trying to help me develop it in a safe, sane and matured way throughout a path of learning.
Between me and my SIR there is not a Master/slave relationship. There is a Father and son relationship orchestrated within the dynamics and emotional world of what we both stand for: Protocol, Honor, Ethics, Moral Code and a strong sense of self development. HE takes special care of me, because HE knows HE is deploying inside of me something about HIM. One day my Father told me this:
True boy. One day my boy will walk in my Boots. And when time is up or close, boy will come to retirement home n will put Boots on my feet. N’ I go see my Master.
I hope there is no need to comment on this. When HE told me this, I cried in joy and in a beautiful pain for several minutes. I felt finally I reached home, and finally found my Father after so long. I am so much filled with Pride and Honor that my DAD have seen in me the potential to make me HIS son and boy.
Another important lesson HE gave me was this
Sometimes, even a King has to go and search for His crown in the gutter.
Lots of HIS teachings are about learning humility and humbleness; HE is teaching me to abandon that sense of arrogant superiority that a younger Dom might feel inside, and giving me a path to follow that will bring me to be a Man proud of himself regardless of the number of subs worshipping him. For you can only trust others once you trust yourself, you can only be reliable to others when you are reliable to yourself, you only have the right to bring others with Pride to the floor if you stayed to that floor yourself, and you can only teach this kind of lifestyle once you truly known what it is all about. On both sides.
So because I’m not a slave or a general sub, but HIS son and WOLF, these are my privileges:
- When HE needs to take a piss, and W/we are with others subs around, I am the one who gets to drink HIS piss from HIS Cock.
- When HE wants to cum, I have the right to take HIS seed (but no bareback of course).
- I get to be by HIS side while HE is giving physical discipline to subs and slave; sometimes I can partecipate and we give O/our strokes and hits at the same time, in synchro.
- I get to sleep with HIM when I am visiting
- I get to be helped by HIS subs in removing Boots or other gear
- I get to sit close to HIM during dinner or lunch time
- I am allowed to have my own free time when I am with my subs, and my cock is not caged.
- I am given a lot of HIS time, HE checks on me each day and always listens to my worries and thoughts and always gives an insightful feedback
- I can share whichever secret or thought with HIM; HE will not turn HIS head away on me.
- I have a special black book for when I behave bad or miss on something. I will get disciplined over my mistakes to learn both trough words and facts, but also through physical discipline
- I have my own special gear. I was gifted with the privilege to have a jeans vest with written on the back “ROUGHBOY”.
- I have my own name HE gave me. But this is our business, right?
And of course there are also responsibilities:
- When HE gives me HIS piss, I should always save a sip of it and share it with the other subs and slaves
- When HE is handling slaves, it’s my job to be supportive and a positive figure of help or just hug the subs to make them feel I’m there and we are a pack.
- I need to learn, when in SIR’s playroom, to call them Brothers, and not be called Sir, but Alpha.
- I need to take care of HIS coffees, empty the ashtray, prepare and cut HIS cigars, always be ready with a lighter to light HIS smokes
- I need to keep an eye on the subs and be sure they’re doing ok and having a nice time, as I’m kind of a Big Older Brother to them, in SIR’s pack.
- I must (and want to) make HIM proud with HIS mates and behave like Protocol and Etiquette prescribe.
- I have to stop specifying to new people that “I’m normally a Dom but with SIR I’m His sub”. Nobody cares, nobody asked. This make it seem like I’m ashamed of something.
Obviously, there is much more, and probably this article will be expanded in future, after SIR will have read it and maybe finds something interesting or needed to add.