It is very difficult to start this article off; it is a very important one, but my mind is also clouded by the heaviest of weights that the recent events have triggered. My DAD has been upset by the events I’m going to narrate, and I am suffering a lot at the time this article is being started.
DAD has not been a large part of my postings and articles till now; the only reason behind it, is because HE is a public person and has a very important job, and I didn’t think HE would have been comfortable with being exposed in HIS relationship with me. I’m happy to be able to talk about U/us now.
Berlin have always been a place I felt unnaturally attracted to. It’s not just about the Folsom Europe events and such; of course having one of the most interesting venues around to happen there makes it even more awesome, but it’s not about that. Since the first thing I set my feet in Berlin in 2009 I felt a strong attachment to the place. Like if I was closer to myself, to a target that I was in a way meant to reach; and at the same time, I was scared of it.
About BOSS and Lupus
I have been looking at BOSS’ profile on recon since 10 years. Yes, I repeat, ten years. I have always had the feeling that HE was one of the few serious BDSM Masters and LeatherMen, but also always been afraid of HIM. We occasionally exchanged a few message, and HE showed warm interest in me, and always said we could meet up when I was in Berlin. But at the time my relationship with my husband was difficult and different. I have always felt a strange kind of attraction, which was not physical (although BOSS is, to me, a handsome man), but strangely emotional and spiritual. It’s ridiculous to feel such attraction to somebody over the internet, and that’s also why I always kept clear. I never wanted to put in the field any spiritual content in BDSM until a couple years ago; I’ve always been strongly grounded in reality and psychology from a very medical and scientific/empiric point of view.
I physically met BOSS the first time in early 2017 summer as my DAD told me to go and service BOSS after HE asked DAD to lend me out. I remember that the night I had to go to HIS place I was scared shitless. I was sure I was not at all ready for it. Instead, it was a very good night. After that first Session, O/our second meeting have happened almost casually in New Action during Folsom week, Wednesday night, after W/we were both on an interview for the documentary feature film I co produced and starred in with CAZZO FILM about Old Guard inspired Master/slave relationship. I was with my boy dirk and it was actually him who pointed out that BOSS was in the club; so I brought the boy with me to go and say hi and show respects; that have kickstarted a chain reaction that led to a wonderful service and play night. At the beginning of our session in the hallway of the club, between the bathrooms, the bar and the darkroom, HE did it.
HE grabbed my head between HIS hands and pushed my forehead against HIS. HE kissed me deep, and I was allowed to kiss HIM back. BOSS is capable of bringing me to hypnosis in a few seconds, and also snap me out of it as quickly as HE wants. After W/we kissed, HE hold my head in HIS hands and said “When you are at my service, you are LUPUS.”I didn’t even need to process HIS words; Lupus was perfect. I felt a deep sense of pleasure and everything felt correct, although I got a bit worried about DAD. Would HE have been ok with that? BOSS probably read my mind as HE said “Ask your OWNER if you can have a different name/Title when you are serving ME”.
Still, I always felt ok and safe, as I know that BOSS and DAD know each other, and because of my DAD’s teaching about how wrong it is to have competitions feelings and jealousy between Brothers, I thought it was perfectly safe and ok to leave BOSS full range of movement as long as that didn’t pass the threshold of what DAD said “this is not ok”. I felt like I was a good boy left for a weekend with the uncle while DAD was away, in a way.
Of course, BOSS naming me lupus sparked a fireworks festival inside my body. HE didn’t read my blogs and articles, and yet if the reader is a follower it knows how much I identify myself into Lupus Dei, and the fact that I am going to tattoo that on my back, and all the rest that comes with it. So that’s why it felt to be in the right place, at the right time. The night of service went well and was fun, and BOSS came twice. The first time HE came on my head, and said “you are now baptized, lupus”. After a while, we were having a smoke and HE said “If you want your slave can now take some paper and wash my cum away from your head, face and beard”. I stared back and said “no BOSS, thank YOU BOSS”.
Quälgeist, the Woods and the Fire
Folsom weekend was spectacular. I got to spend it almost completely with my DAD, and not only that; HE wanted me to be Wolf by HIS side during the Street Fair! I enjoyed it so much I still have to completely process it. Unfortunately it was such a draining experience I didn’t get to spent Saturday night with DAD, and I wen to say goodbye the morning after to HIS hotel, since HE was leaving Sunday morning. I reminded HIM about BOSS’ invite to Quälgeist in the afternoon, and HE said I could go. I said I didn’t expect it to be a very sexual evening as the event was called Folsom Chill Out. I imagined a social drinks and chats kind of venue. Of course, I have never been to Quälgeist before. DAD smiled and didn’t look much in agreement with my forecasting, but said to go and see; I have written a full report about the night before writing this article.
I have arrived with a cab at the designed address in my full Wolf suit. I stepped inside the big doors of an old building and went down a dark alley. I could feel my tail hitting right and left on my buttocks as the rubber squeaked with my steps. A big court opening inside the building let the light hit my face for a last time before I headed inside a second alley. A crowd of men was waiting in line; they turned around and stared at me. I stopped in line, and texted the BOSS. HE was already in line uphill and ordered me to reach HIM right away. I walked up the line and reached HIM; I bow down and kissed HIS Boots. I was instructed to take care of HIS gear bag and HIS motorbike helmet. After a while waiting, W/we headed into the entrance of the club. My tail was giving me much pain, like it was not lubed enough; this is something that often happens to me, but it’s not about the lube. I fight the tail when I need to be Wolf but for some reason I am forced to stay on my hind paws and behave human. As we reached the inside of the club we stopped at the bar, one of the first room in Quälgeist. BOSS offered a few drinks and smokes and then showed me around the venue, specifying the house rules. HE explained me it was not allowed to have drinks or smokes in the play areas, but that aside from that (and not having cameras or phones on the inside, of course), there was not much else to keep in mind. Quälgeist is an incredible place, I have never seen something like that ever in my life; it feels like heaven, and clearly looks like Hell.
The first corridor leads to three different areas. On the right, a bondage room with a huge, beautiful bondage table. A stairwell leads to an upper area that I didn’t investigate. Next to it, a large play area featuring a huge spinning well to which subs can be strapped to. A suspension device, a Saint Andrew Cross, a leapfrog bench, and different bondage/restrains attach points to basically every wall. A set of ropes available for the guests in a corner. Sounds of whips cracking, moaning and cries of pleasure and pain all around. Wolf was starting to feel excited and agitated. I cannot describe how difficult it was to keep it inside; the more I am growing up the more looking back at how hard I struggle to keep Wolf inside, the more it feels like a waste of time and energy. Wolf should be out.
Ahead from this space trough the corridor, a small room on the left with a sling, and a wide room in front with more restraints areas and slings and other equipment. From there, a stairwell that led into the basement. “Are you ready to meet the Devil?” BOSS told me.
A nuclear blast went trough my head, everything else disappeared, there was no sounds around anymore, no distractions, no thoughts. There was just Wolf. I stared back into HIS eyes, as we then left for the basement. In the basement, some people were cruising around the area. BOSS stopped on a bench in front of other play spaces and told me to get down. There was no need to say so, I was already going to crawl. I thought I could have shown HIM Wolf, the Beast; Wolf was very keen to meet the Devil, and it has always been. It is, after all, Wolf’s place to be, right in front of HIM. A couple of men approached the scene; one just stood and watch nearby, a younger 40-something skinhead took his thick dick out and slowly started to jerk off closeby.
To my surprise, BOSS ordered me to strip immediately, and get rid of all Wolf gear. I was assigned to keep Boots, Kneepads and a red leather kilt / skirt that HE had with him. I have to be honest and admit that I felt a bit sad about it. Each time Wolf thinks it found its place to be just itself, it is always prompted to get back to be human, or in the best of cases it is remembered it is just a temporary thing, and that anyways the human is preferred. That’s why Folsom with DAD was so special.
I must admit that I felt frustrated. I think that there is much going on about Wolf that BOSS could like and vice versa. It was not the disappointment of an unmet desire of play, it was more my will to say “this is who I am”, as BOSS deserves to fully see me, and it will have to wait.. or maybe not. Of course Wolf is always owned by SIR RUNE and it doesn’t want a different human as lead. But BOSS doesn’t feel completely human, or ordinary human at least either. It is a different thing. While all these thoughts were going through my mind and I was struggling between being Wolf and human, BOSS placed HIS chain on my neck and locked it.
I stripped the Wolf away from my body, and put all my gear in HIS bag as instructed. After a while of obeying HIS instructions, HE sparked again the Beast inside of me. He looked me in the eyes and said “So, don’t you know I am the Devil?”.
Wolf was about to explode out of my chest. My heart was racing, I could feel all my senses heightened, and all of my focus was only on HIS eyes. But I was not scared or afraid, on the contrary. I was hungry. I was challenged. I stared back into BOSS’ eyes and started a low, long growl. Suddenly The BOSS grabbed my throat with his hand and choked me, hard. The technique was perfect and the blood flow to my brain was immediately reduced almost to zero, while keeping the airways clear. Wolf’s urge would have been to fight, bite, get free from HIS grasp, go down on the floor and start to circle around threatening HIM. Though, BOSS is BOSS and I was there to show respect, and Wolf let HIM put it to its place. BOSS showed truly a surprising physical strength and lifted Wolf from the ground by its throat, and throw it on the floor in front of HIM. Wolf hit the ground on its back, and BOSS quickly approached and put HIS Boot on Wolf’s chest. Wolf lifted the paws and exposed throat in surrender.
I went back on my paws and BOSS instructed me to suck HIM off; after a while we went up again for more drinks and smokes. I tried my best to maintain the best Old Guard Protocol and behavior and to cast the animal away from me, as this is what HE wanted. It was not about satisfying my own needs; I tried my approach, and another one was preferred, and it was ok. It is a feeling that I well know. There was a friend of BOSS always around during our drinking and smokes, but they would always only speak German language which I’m slowly starting to understand. I got to understand that I was pleasant to the eyes of the friend, whom occasionally rubbed my back and touched my bits and tits when I was waiting silently on all fours. BOSS brought me back to the main room, and told me HE wanted to bring me to the spinning wheel. For me, that was very scary. Not in the means of dangerous as I know how much BOSS is experienced, but in the means that it could have been one the things I was not strong enough for.
For different reasons that I won’t discuss right here and right now, I had a trauma and cannot be restrained, especially if the restraining affects my breathing. Anything tight on my chest will easily kickstart a panic attack (if I don’t fight and escape the restrain, which of course I didn’t want to do). I explained BOSS about the thing, but was also open to let HIM decide what to do. HE put me on the wheel, and started securing me tightly into place. There was a lot of people around cruising and playing; several stopped and turned around to enjoy the show as my heart started to race. The metal clicked sharply as the leather cuffs on my ankles got tighter and tighter. Two long leather straps bind my torso to the cold steel beams of the wheel. My skin was frying, the Wolf wanted to fight and howl and slobber and bite. You see, this is what kickstarts the panic attack in me. Trying to keep the Wolf in. It’s painful. When everything was tightly secured, my chain and padlock were moved to the back of my neck so it wouldn’t smash my teeth when upside down. Thank YOU BOSS. As I was trying to catch my breath to say something useful, I asked if there was a safe word in the case shit went wrong. I had my answer, which is for my furry ears only. The BOSS started to spin slowly the wheel and brought me head down. I can only translate the feeling with two words: OH SHIT.
Scary and interesting. He started to spin, sideways. As the world started to revolve in front of my eyes like in a whirlwind, my sense of control started to fail. I could only focus on not passing out. BOSS was not there anymore in my eyes, there was just the will to endure what I considered a strong stress test, and the will to get lost inside of myself and my Woods. I wanted to make my DAD proud, and I wanted to make BOSS proud. Slowly BOSS stopped the wheel, but once reached the complete stop, HE turned the wheel in the opposite direction; this really messed up my inside. He stopped the Wheel in vertical position and asked if I was ok. I nodded; didn’t want to disappoint, but also I wanted to go on, although I was not completely ok. I don’t like to loose control if I’m not allowed to loose it. This was the reason for my panicking. I was wondering how can somebody want for you to loose completely control of yourself and let go, but at the same time be able to maintain High Protocol and behavior, when you’re an animal. I wanted to scream.
BOSS asked if I could take a fast spin. I pushed through and said yes. BOSS started to spin the wheel very fast. So fast that I couldn’t even see the whirlwind of people in front of me anymore. There was a strong gravity push on my chest and body and I could feel the blood inside of me pushing on the insides. A blurred vision took place of what I had in front of me. I started thinking about DAD, and that he wouldn’t like for me to do anything extreme without HIS presence and safety close by. I proved already that I was brave and committed; exaggerating without DAD there would have been wrong. So after a while of spinning, I shouted “Thank YOU BOSS”. He slowly stopped the spin, until I was upright. HE detached me from the wheel, and we went for a drink. My knees felt like two Castanuelas, as I was shaking and trying to walk straight.
I was scared, disoriented, and weak. At the same time, because of that, I started to psychologically lay to BOSS more, as I knew I could trust HIM; I was not sure about myself, but I knew that HE is also friend of my DAD so in a moment of weakness, the best thing to do was to just be the best boy I could be and make HIM proud, and trust BOSS. As we went for drinks, I could not stop the sense of anxiety inside of myself. I needed to get down to the floor, I needed to be Wolf. I told BOSS how difficult it was to keep it in, to give HIM total feedback on my feelings. HE answered “I can cope with an animal. But you are a slave now”. It was not the “you are a slave” what hurt me; to me it will always be something I don’t see myself in, I’m not a slave. And I don’t mean it in the ways that there’s something wrong to be a slave; it’s a title just as worth as being a Master, to me. But I’m not. Anyways, I can of course try my best for those who are on top of me. What hurt me was “I can cope with an animal”. I am so sorry that Wolf is something to cope with, and I realized that was not the right moment, but that I would have liked to talk to BOSS about it.
During the drinking and smoking at the bar, Sir AlphaSadist approached BOSS and they had talks and chats. I did not listen to their discussions, as I saw Sir AlphaSadist also at a private gathering with the organizers of CLAW and Folsom Europe and other Title Holders and personalities earlier in those days together with DAD and BOSS, and I wanted to show the maximum respect to Him too. I have a deep love for whips and whipping, and I knew Him before as a Professional Whips Crafter, and He has my high regards. Now, after this evening at Quälgeist, my Respects and interest have grown even more than before, and you’ll shortly see why.
I was shortly after led to the Saint Andrew’s Cross; while we were headed there, and I was trying to bring to the play area everything I needed, Alpha winked at me and said “have fun”. There is where I started to think that I was in trouble, and the panic from the spinning wheel hadn’t go down yet. BOSS took out of the backpack four whips and a flogger. Now, you have to remember I come from almost 10 years of handling floggers, crops and whips. I am new to subbing in the scene, but I have experience as a Dom. Seeing BOSS’ instruments beforehand got me a bit worried, as the Flogger was a rubber one; there is nothing more nasty and painful than rubber floggers and whips, to me. Well yes, rubber paddles maybe. The other whips where a Dragon Quirt, two synthetic whips, and one or two bullwhips. BOSS placed me on the Saint Andrew Cross, trusting me enough not to strap me to it, but just having me standing still there. I needed to talk to HIM. I hugged and asked for reassurance. I let go on my pride and explained HIM my feelings; I am not a masochist, but I’m keen to follow the path to become the Man I want to be one day. And I am honored and grateful that I have found my DAD and that DAD allowed me to learn also from BOSS. So I asked politely if I could have been reassured that I was safe and respected. He said that I was safe and not to worry.
I lifted my arms and slowly spread my legs, as I could feel chatter around and more sounds of whipping in another room. Moaning and music, other small sounds, as I was waiting for the first hit to arrive; it was like being at a horse race and waiting for the bang of the gun. All my muscles were tight, all my senses heightened, my ears where sharp as a knife, as I could also feel my own heart bea… SLASH.
The first one arrived. Measured, slow, easy. After a couple of caresses, the whipping started. He hit me in the middle of my back, between my shoulder blades, and went on hitting in that area. I groaned and twisted and panted and every stroke was more painful; but I never moved from the cross. He started hitting lower on the hips and sides of my body, that was fucking fucking fucking painful. My legs were dancing getting up and down from the floor but I wanted to resist; I felt my DAD smiling at me in pride and could feel BOSS’ pleasure while my pain was coming out of every pore of my sweating body, and from the groans and shouts from of my mouth. He switched to the rubber flogger; three or four hits of that, the hits were so heavy that my body arched down, with my hands still on the cross, but my knees got weaker. BOSS decided to move to different instruments, and from the two twin snake whips he used in the beginning, he went for what I thought was a Bullwhip but actually is a Dragon Quirt (thank You Alpha for explanation). Those final ten or twelve hits where really painful and strong on the middle of my already sore back, but I started to feel a certain pride in discovering my own strength. It was the first time in my life I let anybody whip me like that. After what it felt like 5 minutes of whipping (but might have been half an hour, as far as I can tell), I was brought down the cross and back from drinks. We had non alcoholic beers all the time, which was a very good think. I had a triple vodka straight before starting, though (winks).
As the time was passing by and the session was getting more and more intense, and I was losing my sense of control and abandoning myself more and more, my brain switched to an acceptance and enjoying mood, and I have to apologize to the reader as my memories from this point on start to be less focused and sharp. We went back in the play area and BOSS brought me to a second flogging and whipping area where AlphaSadist was having His ways on one of His slaves. We stood for a few minutes and enjoyed the view. AlphaSadist is a true talent and artist in handling whips. I was hypnotized at watching Him and how the whole scene seemed a whole to me;
What I mean is that I could not see a man handling instruments on another person anymore; I could see a whole, a sort of entity made of Alpha and His whips together, as they were tentacles or tails or anyways an organic part of Alpha, and the whipping was yes indeed a physical happening, but it felt like a language, like a speech to me. It was a dialogue and I felt I could read part of it.
Boss must have noticed my interest and led me to a wall and put me in an X position facing HIM. From there, BOSS took out a needle off HIS pocket box as there was extensive nipple play going on throughout the evening, and my nipples were destroyed. At that point I understood BOSS maybe wanted to do needle play on my body / nipples, and at that moment I asked permission to talk. BOSS being the clever and respectful Man HE is, stopped activity and listened to me. I said I felt DAD would not have liked this kind of thing to happen to HIS boy while HE was not present, and asked BOSS not to do it, as I didn’t want to do anything that my DAD wouldn’t enjoy or be proud of. At that point, my LeatherFamily arrived to the club.
We decided to stay in for the night and BOSS brought for all of us currywurst and we had dinner in the garden of the club in order to play more afterwards.
There are two more moments I want to mark out about the night that were important for the conclusions and about this article: the additional whipping in the basement, and the fireplay.
Second visit to the Basement
my boy dirk was present during the rest of the evening and assisted me and BOSS during O/our night. He wanted some too, though, and BOSS decided to whip him too. for this, I acted as a Saint Andrew Cross for my boy, holding him in position on my body as BOSS started to whip him. It was a very good bonding moment for me and my boy, and once more, I have to thank my DAD for HIS wise teaching. HE have always advocate for me to service a superior side by side with my boy and to include him in these moments, thing to which I’ve always been reluctant due to my previous teaching with my husband, which have different views over the whole thing. I thought that would have drawn my subs to confusion and humiliation (I owned previously another sub and I was deeply scarred as my relationship with my DAD was one of the main reasons why he lost respect in my regards, as he was jealous about it). Instead, it was very good, and I cannot wait to serve DAD with my boy to my side, when the time will come. After that, BOSS wanted me to be on the wall in the same way, as Alpha approached. I could see BOSS handling the whips to AlphaSadist as I turned around. I was scared and honored at the same time. How would Alpha’s whipping be? It looked very hard to take, on the other sub before. Would I have been able to take it? I didn’t know Him, and I wasn’t sure I could be able to make it. When He started, I felt something different. It was similar to BOSS’ but completely different at the same time. I felt a strong connection and again a sense of dialogue going on. As the whip cracked on my skin, I could feel Alpha occasionally whisper “Yesss”. I felt pride. After a while He gave two sharper and stronger strokes. I felt them, and did my best to stay still. He said to turn around, as He approached me with a wide grin on His face. As I was keeping my head low, He touched my hips in something very close to a hug, and whispered to my left ear “Exxxcellent”. I never felt so willing to do more and so humbly proud of myself. How could it be that I was so good at something I have never been good before? Could my DAD have already trained me so well? Could HE have changed and affected me so much already that I was able to be by myself there and make these two Superiors satisfied and proud? I said thank You to Alpha, as I imagined my DAD standing in front of me behind Alpha with HIS arms crossed on HIS chest, smiling proud.
Alpha told me “A small suggestion: try not to contract your body so much. As you are taking the whip, instead of contracting, try to relax completely your body and breathe with your diaphragm, inflate your belly, your shoulders and back should stay still and relaxed”. I thanked Alpha profusely for the suggestion and the teaching, and I explained “Thank You Alpha. I will try. It is just that it is so hard to keep the Animal inside, and it moves within me, and so all my muscles move around”. He smiled and scoffed a bit and said “I understand. I am a Dragon, as well”. Wolf’s ears perked and raised sharp as quickly as the crack of a whip, as I stared astonished at Alpha. I wanted to know more. What was this about? But BOSS took me and brought me downstairs at that very moment.
We arrived to a large gymnasium like area with gym mattresses all around creating a soft and secure playspace. There was a wooden rack on the side, were I was put against for some additional whipping. My back started to be seriously worked at that point, or at least, more than it have ever been before. I could endure though, as the more the pain was raising, the more I could focus on Alpha’s words “Exxxcelent” and the image of my DAD enjoying and jerking off while enjoying a cigar. I was in heaven, or again, I was in Hell.
At that point, it happened. The pain related to whipping disappeared from my mind.
It was like if my brain have forgot the language needed to translate pain into a negative sensation, when related to the touch of the whip. Each stroke felt as painful as fuck, but made me feel so fucking good inside at the same time.
BOSS moved me from that position and brought me to the most intense, vivid and powerful whipping experience of my life to this point. As I stood facing the crown of people that gathered to watch, I could see ghosts. Not in the means of a horror story, but in the means that my DAD was there, physically. He was standing in the crowd laying on a wooden bench, enjoy a cigar as HE watched and from HIS eyes I could tell that I was ready, failure was not a possibility anymore in the means that I was there, I was doing exactly what I wanted and I felt I was having the time of my life. BOSS stood in front of me far away, handling two long BullWhips, I think they where 8 footers. HE was handling two whips, one for each hand. HE said “count, lupus; in German or Italian”. He lifted the two whips with a strong gesture of hands and they seemed to be like wings, as they curled on top of HIS head; time felt like in slow motion. BOSS’ eyes were glaring with lust, HIS mouth was half opened and it seemed to me HE was talking to me, as both the Whips quickly descended towards me symmetrically. My hands were crossed on top of my head, as the two fiery whips revolved like snakes or the flames of Hell themselves around my ribs, back, belly, ribs again, upper back and smacked on my chest. CRACK! UNO, BOSS!
HE went on again, and again, and again, and each time the whips would revolve around my body I felt taken and lifted up by a strong hug. I felt HIS energy flowing through the whips to my body as my insides lit up as an overcharged light bulb, ready to explode. Due, BOSS! Tre, BOSS! BOSS took me up to DODICI, BOSS! (twelve). HE got me down to my knees and asked if I liked to meet the Devil in the Basement. I answered begging for more. HE said “Twelve more?” and I said “Thank YOU BOSS, please BOSS”. And twelve more they were. As I was staring in front of me I was not looking at BOSS anymore. It was not necessary.
BOSS, DAD and WOLF where everywhere. The whole room was not swarmed with people looking anymore, It was just a perfect trinity of WOLF and BOSS and SIR. Of Lupus, the Devil and God.
As I shouted at the top of Wolf’s voice counting the lashes, it was Wolf’s voice, and my eyes where wide open and glaring, as they could pierce space in front of me and all the wrath of the WOLF was being unleashed, even if I was steady with my body. My body was not necessary for moving anymore; it was merely the instrument throughout which BOSS and DAD and WOLF where creating pure fiery energy.
I almost fell on my back at the end of the 24th doubled lash, and BOSS was ready to catch me, but it was not necessary. I went down easily and started being WOLF physically, without indulging into expressing it. I begged for 12 more.
BOSS got me up and went on, but HE stopped at 6.
Again, YOU can see how much experienced and responsible people like my DAD and BOSS are; a real Master also Masters Himself. As you are brought to completely lose your sense of survival and the urge to fight pain and what could be saw from the outside as an abuse, the Master has the responsibility not to exaggerate, as much as it can be difficult to interrupt something which is so good. Flames can burn you a bit, but if you stay too much in there, they can make permanent damage, or even worse. And I was taken really good care of. We had a stop for some relax, mediation, more hypnosis and man to man contact. I was completely electrified and my body was rushing with endorphins. I was high as a kite from what I had just experienced.
BOSS actually let me touch HIM. HE laid with HIS back on me and I got to physically communicate with HIM too through my body and hands. I don’t know what HE felt from me, I don’t even know If I’m hyper-processing things that, again, are not seen or felt on the outside. As of how people react to Wolf, I’m always ready to know that what I feel is inside of myself only. But what I wanted to communicate with BOSS is a sense of protection over HIM too, as much as HE might dislike this, but I am a Wolf, and I protect my Superiors. That’s just embedded in my blood, it’s my nature. As DAD knows, Wolf’s strongest desire is simply to be HIS Guard and make HIS life easier, better and seamless. Wolf doesn’t need to be involved in play. If one day DAD will be playing with HIS slaves and Wolf will get to stand, sit and guard the entrance of the playroom even for hours, that’s Wolf’s heaven and “normality”.
The night was coming to an end, and before leaving BOSS wanted to use the bondage table. I was drained from the whipping but I tried to give the best service; yes I was tired, but I had also a really good time, and it was not just about me there; I was being of service. So we went to the bondage table which was finally free after being used all night. Because of my partially bloody back, I cleaned well with disinfectant the surface of the bondage table. Again, Quälgeist proves to be the perfect place to be, disinfectant is everywhere along with gloves and paper for everybody to use, so that we can all have the best play space and the most secure one too. Safety comes first, always.
I lay down on the bondage table as my boy dirk brought three long ropes as instructed by BOSS. I was blindfolded, and started to be wrapped against the bondage table tightly, like I was a slice of meat underneath the plastic sheet on top of the tray. Again, a bit of panic started rising; can’t help it for now, but to fear being restrained. As HE was tying every inch of my body down I tried to relax, but what happened is exactly what kickstarted my panic attacks in the MRI machine: I relaxed so deeply I forgot to breathe and kind of passed out, and gulped suddenly for air, trying to get up from the bench. But I was all tied down. Panic, panic, panic. I told myself “shut the fuck up, you’re perfectly safe, don’t be ridiculous”. The panic started to go down, and eventually faded away. I was just really tired. BOSS whispered something to dirk and I could tell they were exchanging instruments. boy dirk have been sent to fetch something. Suddenly I realized what it was.
A stinging, unbearable pain started to hit my ass hole (sore from being fucked by BOSS) and my balls and belly and chest. I hated it. I knew what it was. It was ice. I fought. I gasped and screamed and tossed and turned in the binds and the ties and tried to escape. BOSS took away the blindfolds and bingo: there was a huge mirror on top of me and I could see the scene. First of all: it was fucking hot. I wanted so badly to have a camera on U/us. That was the most erotic, hot, steamy and nasty thing I ever say, and I was gorgeous. I never like myself in mirrors; never. But that night, in that moment, it was not about my looks, it was about ME, the real me, the Wolf that was tied down. I was Fenrir, and Lupus, and Wolf (Wulf, as DAD pronounces it). But the ice was not my friend. The ice was bringing me back to a human state of feelings, killing the fire I had inside. BOSS asked me if I liked the ice. I answered “no, to be honest”. He asked why. I said “Because ice is ice”.
He smiled and took several cracker sparks and lit them up (Cracker Sparks are small fireworks that all kids love used during New Year’s eve mostly. They are iron sticks with ignite powder along it, that will provide fire and sparks). HE removed the ice and used both hands on my balls, dick, belly, nipples and neck. “So you like fire..”. I started moaning in pleasure and exclaimed “Oh fuck yeah! Thank YOU BOSS!”. The fire rattling on my skin ignite again the Beast inside of me and all my body felt like in flames; the pain was not pain, it was an orgasm provided to my skin with every spark touching it. And there was thousands of them. I was shaking and turning like a snake in the ties as I kept enjoying and saying “oh fuck, fuck yes, thank YOU BOSS”. At some point the sparks were over and the club was also about to close. BOSS untied one of the 26 knots that were holding me down, and said “free yourself”. boy dirk tried to approach to help but I knew what BOSS was doing. I needed to free myself by myself, and it was a fundamental moment of the Session to allow me to retake control of myself and go down from the state of ecstasy and be able to “come back” safe and sound mentally and emotionally. I was going to tell dirk not to do that, but BOSS was quicker and hold dirk back. I untied myself, and started dressing back in the dry rubber of my Wolf Suit (ouch 😉 ).
I was in there since 4 in the Afternoon; it was 2 in the morning.
I knelt, upon leaving, and BOSS took the collar away from my neck. Before doing so HE said “I will temporarily remove this” and smiled. I smiled back.
A note: BOSS have been such a gentleman not to leave me and dirk in the middle of the night in the streets alone; there were no taxis around, it took 20 minutes to find one. He stayed with us the whole time, on top of HIS motorbike, and left only when HE saw us sitting in the cab. Thank YOU BOSS.
Note: naturally, as you can see if you reached this far, this article is very long. If I described more accurately everything that have happened and if I didn’t exclude some things, this would have by now become a book. BOSS, I didn’t want to skip things but it is necessary. Thank YOU for fucking lupus against the wall 🙂
Of Wolves, Dragons and Men.
As stated at the beginning of the article, my DAD got upset at me because of this weekend. HE wanted to be present during such an important night, and I understand and agree with HIM. I couldn’t image it would have been the night it had been, and as far as I am concerned, DAD was there with me as HE is always by my side; though I get and understand HIS point, and I am sorry about it. HE also pointed out that on social media (and here, for example) I have talked extensively about my experience, but that I never mention my DAD online and such.
The only reason why I abstain is because DAD has a very important job, and is kind of a public person. Actually, HE is a public person and I would say. I have taken the decision to expose my life, naked bare and raw completely to you people out there. I took it as mean of activism, as a way to show there is no shame in nothing that we do, that we can all be proud of be ourselves, and also to show that BDSM is not just about gearing up and feeling cool. There is much more to it, and it is much deeper. Though my DAD didn’t ask for this, and neither did others. So I always take care extra care of people’s privacy. Sorry DAD; that’s why I don’t talk more about YOU, but I would really love to. And YOU’ll see in CAZZO’s movie, there is a big chunk about it. With BOSS I know that HE is more exposed since long time;HE knows about the article and was happy with it.
Going back to the topic:
Another thing my DAD never asked for, is the presence of BOSS HIMself wether in my education, in my life or in my brain. HE didn’t know that I “knew” BOSS since such a long time, I never mentioned cause I never thought I would have actually met BOSS; even less of a possibility was being of service, in my mind. So the topic was never brought up; yet now some clarity is needed.
On my side the situation is extremely clear and easy, and I see no conflicts whatsoever between BOSS and DAD. To me, it is a trinity that is perfectly balanced. First of all, BOSS never asked for a shared Ownership, and I’m not implying there should be one. It is more like of a situation of “when you are in Berlin, we can spend time together, if you are free, and if you are with your OWNER and HE wants for U/us to play all together, that’s good too”; on the other hand though, of course my DAD must feel a sense of doubt and uncertainty about what this might lead to.
Inside of me, I feel that nothing have changed with my DAD, and that HE is always my Human, my Mentor, my Father and my Owner. My DAD has taught me that I should respect and serve other Masters with HIS permission. BOSS for me is another Master that I respect deeply, with a twist and accentuation on the spiritual aspect of my feelings; DAD also told me I should lose my attitude of “I’m usually a Dom Top only, this is all new for me” and just enjoy being a young Leatherman that is serving the Superiors until it will be ready, if ever, to swing back to the Dom side full time. So that is where I get confused. I get confused also because my DAD told me that there never must be competition between Brothers; between HIS slaves as an example, we should never feel in competition between us, as every one of us is different and everyone is cared for 100%, and not in a shared percentage. So we should all just hug and share good feelings and pride. I am wondering if maybe it is not the same between Doms, although to be honest I don’t think that DAD’s disappointment was caused by jealousy, but maybe more from the will to be present in such a strong moment.
If my bond with BOSS bothers DAD in any ways, of course BOSS will know and the service or the intensity of the connection will have to be ceased. I will still be happy as being at DAD’s side is what I want and where my place is, but I don’t think it would be the best outcome. Because at the end of the day, we are talking about serving a community of people. And in the specific, I’m not talking about becoming a slut which will sub for every single dick lining up. I’m talking about a Community within the community, made by a strong core of few people that are, to my regards “The Real Deal”. And I think that following the Old Guard Protocol, in this part of my path, it is normal and physiologic that I absorb and learn and serve and grow. I think that it is a real win/win situation, and I feel blessed and so lucky. I am proud of the path I am taking, and I will always be thankful to the Men that I’m meeting whom are being teachers and real Brothers.
Regardless of the fact that this “Trinity” might actually be acknowledged by the other two parties, in the means that my feelings are not bothering anyone, or if maybe my DAD will decide I need a shorter leash:
To me, my DAD is real, and I am really HIS boy. I love my DAD.
To me, the Devil is real, and I am really Lupus. And it was about time that we met.