What is FinDom?

FinDom is a short name for Financial Domination.

In Financial Domination, the Dominant part of the dynamic takes financially control of the submissive; this can be fetishized in different ways, from a dynamic where the Dominant (with a pre existing agreement) surprises the submissive by withdrawing funds from his account with no notice, to dynamics where the submissive makes lots of gifts and presents to the Dominant, to even safer scenarios where the Master takes the financial decisions that the submissive intends to proceed with, lifting the sub from the uncomfortable feeling of being in charge of something, or having authority.

Stating right away and beforehand that in our Leatherfamily we do not practice FinDom, nor we advise it, it is a practice that exists and its important to talk about it, as in this community driven more and more by commerce and global pop culture concept where money substitute power, FinDom is spreading online like a disease, perpetrated by youngsters and adults who have nothing to do with BDSM, care of each other, love, respect or integrity.

We’re not concerned about consenting adults who in a relationship decide what’s best for them; we are disgusted by a trend that ridiculizes sacred and meaningful concept like being a Master, being a BDSM person, and being a Dominant. 

As every high-risk activity between consenting adults, Financial Domination can be healthy and very powerful when supported by two main pillars: a Relationship based on extreme trust, and the Integrity of the parties involved. As said, if as part of a grounded relationship between a Master and a sub, FinDom as any other practice is ok; everyone should be free to live their fetish the way they want. We don’t like it, as it’s too easy to slip and fall, as money is a powerful monster also against the strongest of Masters.

The problem is that, like everything in Leather and BDSM, this practice has been taken by the general pop community, stripped away from any meaning and responsibility, and just used to pursue a personal agenda with no respect nor consideration for the submissives, by improvised “doms” who play a role in order to make the most money out of the illusion they provide to the masses.

Screen grabs from twitter

Screen grabs from twitter

What’s the difference between FinDom and Sex Work?

While Sex Work is the practice between two consenting adults on a financial transaction aimed to buy a service of adult entertainment, Financial Domination is one of those DS practices that should only be done by those individual that find it enriching and sustainable, within a relationship based on deep trust and care of the submissive. To create a Relationship of this kind, you need to work on it for months and years; this isn’t something achievable by anybody on an online chat or social media in 5 minutes. Even a donkey would understand this; that’s why we are puzzled when FinDoms get upset at our concern; we think they should be the first to defend their practice by shaming those who are abusing it.

Combine this notion of needed trust and commitment between the two parties, and put it next to the profile headers of these self-proclaimed “masters”, and you’ll get the full picture. There is no interest in the person they interact with, it’s not something special and crafted in a relationship. As a sub, you don’t even exist as person; their amazon wishlist is there, with their paypal or Venmo link. This is all that FinDom is about nowadays, online. A cheap substitute for sex work, appropriating on the powerful aspects of Domination and submission, where money is payed, no service is provided, and people are treated with little to no respect.

This brings us to the crucial part of the matter, which is how the general gay pop scene has absorbed all sorts of complex subcultures, uniforming them to something absolutely sterile and at service of individualism only, with no bases of mutual respect, love and care nor commitment.

Ethical FinDom

Normally, if you try to take this public position to defend submissives from the emotional trap that these kids and gents provide, you’ll get assaulted, with no surprise, by these “cashmasters”, who will come and tell you you have no right to discredit their fetish. They’ll tell you you know nothing of Financial Domination, and that it is a very ethical thing when a good Master is doing it.

While of course we agree that any practice that a Master does with his sub is his own business and that for sure everything can always be kept safe, this is a simple move to generalize the matter and pretending not to understand the point here. What we are discrediting and standing against is not the controlled and mature activity between two cosenting adults in a dedicated relationship. 

If it was sex work, and it was declared as a service and nobody was mistreated weaponizing their identity and sexuality, we would have nothing to say about this. But when the terms “Master and slave” are involved, and submissives are told “you are born to serve and the only way you can be of any use in this life is through financial worship”, then no. This is abuse of a deep need of a submissive to be of only use of a Dominant, without caring at all for the sub. This is what happens in 90% of the cases, especially online, and is NOT Ethical.

Ethical FinDom exists in the boundaries of consent between people who have a tailored relationship; but even then, where is it really the buffer between consent and brainwash? We will leave this up to you in the comments field. If you want to do FinDom, and you know you have the Ethics and moral compass to do it safely, do it. With your sub. Not by putting your amazon wishlist on twitter and dirtying the name of “Masters” with your lack of structure and dedication.

The modern fashion of “cash masters”

We stand against the systemic operation of pretending to be a Master, while these people are simply abusers, generally not even BDSM people, guys with absolutely zero experience or interest in handling a sub or building up anything. They heard there’s an easy and fun way to get cash by showing feet online, pretending to be straight, and treating everybody like shit. And of course, they’re doing it.

So, nowadays you find the web, and especially twitter, filled with kids and gents acting like thugs, treating everybody with no respect, and embarrassing the entire BDSM community with their lack of knowledge and their abusive manners. This is the result of a society and culture who is passing to young generations the concept that there is nothing to believe in, no values, no ideals, no hope for any future to build, but the cold and lifeless power of money and stepping on others to reach an advanced position.

If you’re doing FinDom ethically, you know we’re right, and that the scene needs to be educated, and these frauds to be stopped. We should all not encourage any trend in which any BDSM practice is used lightly by incompetent, improvised people.

None of these people using social media as a cheap way to grow money without giving anything back to those who pay them but reinforcing their trauma, and their embedded idea that there is nothing special about them, and that they can be considered only when sacrificing their money.

Why do we publicly stand against FinDom? The despicable lie of online FinDom

While we believe that everyone should be free to do whatever they want, there is always that limit which has to be preserved. That limit is the following: you’re free to do whatever you like and be whoever you like, as long as you’re not directly harming other people with your behavior. And this is exactly what Online FinDom is doing.

And actually, not only the submissives are being hurt and harmed: the whole BDSM community and the reputation of Masters is being harmed by these selfish people.

The damage done to the subs:

Not all submissives are fragile people, but all people have their own fragilities inside of them; being a submissive in a world that is letting go more and more on true, intense sensations of belonging, growth and cultivation of a relationship, is quite hard. You have the feeling that you’ll never find the Master you want to love and serve forever, as nobody seems to be serious and committed about it. The risk of getting hurt is huge. Also, modern gay community is so toxicity obsessed by fashions, looks and trends, that in order to be considered as a sub you get the feeling that you have to be young, ripped, hung (???), and god knows how many other checkboxes. A deep solitude grows inside of committed subs looking for a real Master.

If are gifted Empathy, you should understand that when you’re presented with a web environment which keeps shouting at you “pay me, worthless pig”, “serve superiors, let them drain your wallet”, “if you can’t pay me, you’re useless and of no service”, how would you feel? How would you feel if you message Sirs and they never respond to you or even acknowledge you, unless you offer them some money? A reinforcement of the trauma of feeling that as a submissive, your life is pointless or incomplete, as you can’t be of service to anyone. This is the kind of brainwashing that this FinDom is doing on many subs who are vulnerable to this kind of message.

Is this the kind of BDSM would we want to create? This is not what we want to support, for sure.

The damage done to the doms:

Because of this behavior, and the fact these people show their lack of skills or culture on how to handles a sub (see the picture here after), the general image of who a Master is in BDSM is of the guy who gets paid, insults you, beats you up, and then when it’s all over you are of no interest. Until it’s moment of being “taxed” again. In most of cases, there is not even a physical relationship (which from some points of view is a good thing, in this case).

Being a Master is much more than being a Dominant, and is also much more than just being a SIR. And it’s not more in the sense of “better”, it’s more in the sense of COMMITMENT and RESPOSIBILITY, nor to mention INTEGRITY. That’s why as a Master I would never take money from FinDom, even if I need it badly. That’s because I have chosen this duty, and my mission is to inspire integrity and strictness in men, both through my training and my words/actions. I prefer to get paid for a service that I’m offering, as an adult movies producer or as a Rent Master, where nobody is treated with less respect, and it’s clear that my client is buying himself an experience, where there is no manipulation of his identity as person.

Is FinDom involved in BDSM or Leather?

Financial Domination is one of the activities or fetishes involved in long lasting relationships between a Dominant and a submissive, when it’s done with ethics and in consensual and respectful way.

 For what we see everyday online, today the FinDom scene, like every serious and also dangerous practice requiring caution, respect and integrity, is mostly a deceiving and abusive environment filled with improvised impostors, pretending to be someone they’re not, getting off on managing to convince submissives to pay them out, putting leverage on the true submissive need to please another person.

Personally, we’d say that FinDom is involved with BDSM, but it has nothing to do with our Leather Culture; as the reader knows, we take Leather extremely seriously as a lifestyle based on integrity and power exchange, refusing with strength the byproducts of modern culture where the power of soul, emotion and trust is substituted with cheap quick alternatives such as money. But we understand other people might think differently.

Ethical FinDom exists, and Ethical Dominants who are into it, in our opinion, should raise their voice in outcasting these impostors from the scene, instead of acting like victims when considerate and worried BDSM peers voice their disgust on the bend that this scene is taking. As, otherwise, the immediate assumption that comes from this behavior, is to think that they see no difference between what they do and what is being done in the public environment of social media.

What do you think about the situation with FinDom? Have you ever felt mistreated, abused and depressed as a consequence of being exposed to all of this? Let us know in the comments.

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