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Reader Discretion Advised

This article has nothing to do with HIV or the goodness of PreP. Our boys are positive, Lupus’s mentor was positive, many friends and subs and brothers of ours are positive and we are not only completely supportive of same rights and treatment for poz people, but we do not see them as “Positive”. We see them as Chris, Dirk, Mick, Marco, Michael and so on. This article is about the lack of content in sexual activity, and desacrating one of the most intimate way men connect together. 

On normalizing bareback anal sex

At the dawn of 2021, all you need is a twitter account or to just browse on some amateur content platform like xtube or xhamster,  or, I forgot, deep into the new “onlyfans” trend. I think it’s safe to admit that in any single piece of gay anal sex video you can find online, spotting a condom has become something as rare as spotting a four leaf clover in a field of daisies.

The state of the art of gay anal sex

As of today, and with the arrival of PreP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) even more than ever, giving bareback for granted and “the only way to go” seem to have become the standard for the vaste majority of gay men. It’s almost as if with the arrival of this drug almost fifteen years ago, just because we were more protected from HIV, we were all of a sudden lifted from the basic responsibilities when having sexual encounters, especially when we have a very active sex life. Now, I use the them “we” very broadly here, as here in this family we’ve never behaved this way. But I believe that the reader can related to what I’m writing.

It’s almost as if all of a sudden, whereas in the United States bareback culture seems to be way more established also “thanks” to porn studios who made completely random barebacking a brand, also in Europe and other parts of the world gay people felt like if a green light was shining through, and together with barebacking, all sorts of other potentially dangerous activities have become less serious, more manageable, and if anything, cool to engage with and show off.

We have nothing against barebacking per se, and of course we do bareback in the family. What we are not very fond of and what we’re actually scared about, is completely random barebacking and how younger generations are not encouraged to take responsibilities of any kind anymore. A barebacking that is done without heart, without meaning, and without purpose. Just out of lack or rules, lack of control and lack of discipline. Indeed, if barebacking was part of a specific fetish (such as cum pigs who really get off from the anonimity of specific actions), we would have nothing to say about it. We get concerned when there’s no authenticity nor identity in that sexual activity. Just a complete lack of structure and presence.

PreP and the surge of bacteria related epidemics

So of course we do recognize the value of PreP, and the importance of its arrival on the market. Just thing about all the serodiscordant* couples out there (although I must say, even in that case, in most cases is not a “must”, as with an undetectable viral load, there’s virtually now way to get infected with the HIV virus), or all of those people who can’t manage to keep the viral load undetectable. PreP has made HIV less aggressive in its spreading in certain communities (as PreP is not available everywhere in the same way), but it has also busted open the gates to the spread of all of those other STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) which can’t be tamed with PreP. I’m talking about Syphilis, Ghonorrea, Chlamydia, Hepatitis A, B and C, Citomegalovirus, Papilloma Virus, and many, many others.

What’s worse, is that in general culture we come from this (very) wrong assumption, where HIV = dangerous death sentence, and all the other pathogens listed above = meh, it’s ok, I’ll take a pill and it’s gone. This is a very wrong, very ignorant, and very shallow way of thinking; and yet, I’m sure the reader can think for 10 seconds and recall a least a handful of friends and acquaintances who think alike. So this, jointed with the also very wrong and immature trend of self-medication (Typical set of actions: I got ghonorrea, so I won’t go to the medic because I used that antibiotic 10 years ago and it worked. I won’t inform my partners, I’ll take a few pills, symptoms are in a few days gone, so I’ll get back to fucking), has brought to a very concerning new landscape:

The surge of bacteria related epidemics, which are antibiotic-resistant. That’s right, now we have plenty of strains of Ghonorrea, Syphilis and Chlamydia which are not responding to treatment, due to the mutations occourred with the poor, arbitrary use of large spectrum antibiotic without following a correct treatment scheme, and without making a control analysis before getting back to action. Bacteria and viruses mutate and adapt when not treated with the right medication, and we end up with guess what? Untreatable infections. This not only means very fast spreading, but it also means very long in-body proliferation of these micro organisms, which on the long run are going to ruin your health, affect your internal organs, and possibly kill you as well.

So what can we expect for when the SARSCov19 epidemic will be finally over thank to the vaccine? Not that right now gay people are being wise and staying the fuck at home, but what will happen when we will all flood our streets and clubs, and have big house parties based on sex (as we all needed it after one year of isolation)? You tell me.

A note by Holger, a reader:

*serodiscordant: This term is still used in many HIV clinical writings and guidelines; many others consider the term stigmatizing because the word “discord” suggests conflict, disagreement, or misalignment (the “sero” part of these terms means “blood”)

Serodifferent, serodifference: A variation on “serodiscordant” that is not based in stigma, because “difference” does not have a built-in negative association

The Condom stigma in the gay community

As usual, when people (specifically gay people for the purpose of this blog) are acting out of line, without integrity, when deep down they know they are behaving recklessly and they see somebody else who is doing his best to stay safe and generally being able to have the strength of not slipping down the slippery slope, what do they do? They shame you.

Modern gay community (especially queer community) has become the great Master at shaming and blaming everybody who don’t think and behave like them, especially when this difference reflects the communities and individuals lack of values, integrity, strength and honesty. So the result of this trend, is that there is a real condom stigma in the gay community, like if based on the fact you’re using a condom, you’re actually sick with something disgusting, or that you’re not worth their time, you’re not “a good fuck” and so on.

We all agree that having Bareback sex is a way more intense feeling than using a gummy. But are we sure this is really it? Is this really the reason for this widely spread behavior? And are we really sure that something as special as fucking without a glove, when you do it with everyone, is still special, is still better and is still worth it?

The Romantic aspects of Bareback gay sex

I’ll tell you the way I see it, the way I fuck an ass (or a pussy) and what it means to me, but this doesn’t just apply to my personal taste and sensibility. I know many many men who think and feel like this, and I know deep down you have the same feeling. Again, let’s put to the side for a second the cum junkies; that’s a fetish, and I won’t comment or condemn any fetish ever (although you should still find a way for it not to get in the way with your health and everyday life, but this is another chapter).

When it comes to anal sex, when it come sto penetration, it means I’m getting inside of you. I don’t know what you think, but I don’t want to get inside of everybody in the world. I might enjoy the Domination of fucking a sub or a man, but that doesn’t mean I want to plant my DNA and inseminate his guts. That’s some serious shit, to me. If I decide to have a biological exchange on a cellular level with you, it means that first you have understood who I am, you have understood my kind of energy, and you want it to merge with yours; you want to embody it, you want to carry my seed in you and let it alter you forever. Same is for me. Once I decide to fuck you bare, it’s not just using your ass to get off, it’s not about pleasure. It’s about love making. It’s about breeding.

I don’t want to devalue this incredibly beautiful and powerful magic that two men (or a man and a woman) can share. This is some pretty serious and special stuff, and if you start giving it for granted, like everything special… well it loses its power, it’s not special anymore, and it leaves you empty and sad.

A word of advise to younger generations

I don’t speak a Lot with younger generations as I’m very disappointed from what I see generally speaking, and I have a hard time to engage with people who have been raised with giving everything for granted, feeling entitled about everything, and not having any sense of respect for rules, structures and discipline.

But not every youngster is like that, and also many of those who behave like that are just following the flock as it’s natura at that age.

So if you made it past these two paragraphs, here is my word of advice for you: refuse society as it presents to yourself now. I know everything looks amazing and full of possibilities, and that you can be whoever you want to be and that people will care about your diversity (actually, the feeling is that people are going to care for you more, because of a diversity). But that’s all a big fat lie. Those are marketing trends. Nobody really gives a damn about you, as you’re just the umpteenth teen with a dog mask, a fluo harness or a diverse pronoun before your nickname. Be yourself, don’t be what your community tells you to be. Follow your heart and true feelings, and most of all LOVE yourself. Take care of yourself, and take care of others, not just in words to make a cool tweet that’ll get you noticed. Stop reacting to social media, and spend more time talking to people.

And when you have sex, remember that you’re probably experiencing 5% of the power of what you could live if you lived it with true commitment and integrity, without thinking if you’re looking good enough for the only fans video you’re making. Allow yourself to say “fuck off” to this modern community, who doesn’t know and doesn’t care about you; it only cares for you to agree with it, and not to create a problem.

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